update

So things have been pretty hectic around here lately. My brother in law told my mother that my sister didn’t want to have any communications with me from now on and that I should be told so. I found out later that, that was a lie. She said nothing like that. Although I sent her a message on Facebook and a text message and she has yet to reply, so I don’t know whats going on there. That’s all besides the point.

My 4 year old has decided that he desperately wants a little sister/brother for Christmas (no way I can get pregnant that quick and deliver but still) so I have been doing some research on the easiest ways to get pregnant. I am starting to track all of my periods (now that I am much more regular, although no exact science yet, better than not having one fro 2 years and then having them 3-4 months apart) I have several apps and things in my planner checking my cycle each month. I recently bought ovulation tracking strips so I can plan better. I hope that this is the right choice. I haven’t been tracking anything prior to about 4 months ago.

When I got pregnant with Ian we had been not using birth control for several years and hadn’t gotten pregnant. Since Ian was born I was on birth control on and off with several different things, all of which I had to stop taking due to hormones and anger issues. I was on several different antidepressants all of which turned me into a zombie and made me sluggish. On December 28th 2016 I stopped all medications except for the anxiety med I was on as needed. I am still on that, at this time. I rarely use it though. I looked into some medications for weight loss and now that I’m really hoping that we can have another child I have put off on taking the weight loss medications as well. (no one knows that part yet) I am eating much healthier and tracking all of my calories and macronutriants. I am eating about 1700 calories of healthy food. Pan seared chicken and veggies is my favorite meal right now. I am going to the gym more often which has gotten easier over the last few weeks too. I hope that going to the gym and being more fit will help with the pregnancy process as well. I am also starting on a prenatal with HIGH folic acid which will also help.

I know my hubby wants another baby and I have to come up with a fun way to tell him if or when we do get pregnant. This is gonna be a fun, exciting, scary ride. I was so sick the first time that I am afraid that I’m going to get sick again and be hugging the toilet for all 9 months again. No fun!

 

Melissa

Weight Loss Rant!!

Okay so here is my rant!!
The government is constantly complaining about all the fat people in America yet insurance companies, the government, and everybody else makes it so expensive to lose weight and to get healthy. When you can go to McDonald’s and buy a 2 cheeseburger meal with fries and a large drink with all the bells and whistles for $5.35 yet a healthy salad with a small water cost almost $7.

Here’s another instance in April I started on a product recommended by a friend that is costing me roughly $150 a month. I do have to say that since being on that product I have felt tremendously better but I have not lost weight being on it. With that being said I went in to talk to my doctor this morning about getting on a different type of weight-loss medication, and the one that she put me on is only about half covered by my insurance. Which means if I want to continue after the first month that it’s going to be like $95 a month. So if I were to stay on both products it would be costing me $245 a month that also doesn’t include my gym membership about $50 a month or the cost of food and if I would choose to buy Health product type food that’s additional money per month. Not to mention if I wanted a personal trainer at the gym that would cost me upwards of another $200 a month. I just don’t get it. 

I can’t afford to spend upwards of 300 to 400 dollars a month just on weight loss options. I will have to either be fat, work out on my own ( I don’t really know how) or starve myself so that I burn more calories then I consume. It is totally unfair to the people of The Great United States of America that we cant offer the people the resources that we need to be healthy and live well.

 

It’s ridiculous and unacceptable.

That picture explains it all!!

Its official.. I’m a Jamberry consultant!! I love it!! Black Friday 2015 is my official start date!!

Holy Changes

Since I posted last I have gotten married, had a baby and now I’m going in, in a week for surgery to get my gall bladder removed. I have been having a lot of pain and discomfort in my stomach and under my ribs, right in the middle of my chest. I had blood work done and a ultra sound and X-Rays with barium drink. It was discovered that my gall bladder is full of stones. Dr. said about 12 or more… I have been having discomfort for a few months now.  My dr. told me I probably been having this issue for longer than I think, and it could be the major cause of why I was so sick during my pregnancy.

Ian is 3 1/2 months old now. He’s babbling and smiling and laughing like crazy. I can hardly stand how cute he is. I have been taking pictures of him everyday.. sometimes several times a day. I have a book I’m putting together for him for when he gets older. Just like my grandma used to do for me. Its got pictures of me when I was pregnant with him as well as pictures of delivery and then pictures now up to 3 months old. I will continue to put pictures in this book till age one. Then I will start a new book for year 2. I will do this until he graduates. I hope he appreciates all of the hard work I’m putting into this. I know his daddy will make sure he appreciates me. He is such a mommy’s boy. He loves to cuddle with me when he sleeps and smiles at me when I tell him “Mommy loves you buddy”.  Somebody’s waking up.. Gotta run!

Family Stress

Pats sister sent a Facebook message a few weeks ago saying she wanted to talk to us again about stuff that has been going on with her. As always it freaked me out and stressed me out a little bit.  She came over on July 4th and proceeded to tell us that she was so emotionally stressed out over Pat and I’s relationship and us supposedly not telling her we got married and her having to find out over Facebook and the stress that the family was experiencing being torn apart that she was seeing a counselor. She said that she was trying to be accepting of our relationship and that she and her husband fight over Pat and I more than anything else. She said that the “Whole family” was so disappointed that Pat and I got pregnant before we were married and how disappointed she was in our relationship. I got very upset with her. I just couldn’t understand how she could say that. I know Pats mother and Father were excited about us being pregnant. His mother was  excited to have another grandchild. Pat was ecstatic. He even mentioned to me one time that he hoped every time we were intimate that we would get pregnant. He has wanted to be a dad for over 3 years now.

Pat’s sister also brought up past wounds about how her husband and sister didn’t like me and how things had been said and she expected me to do something about it. Both sisters and the oldest sisters husband have “given up” on Pat and I’s relationship. I know that and understand they will never accept it for what it is. I will never understand what his sister expects me to do. I have apologized a million times over for what happened. If the 3 of them are not willing to open up the lines of communication that I am not going to get anywhere trying to talk to them. I realize that having the oldest sister show up to my house and try to talk to me is a start for her but the other 2 are not willing at all to talk and that’s a huge issue.

I’m still scared that the “family” will make this child an outcast and will not accept this child because of previous circumstances. I really hope that this isn’t the case though. I really hope that the people that are causing the stress in this realize that I’m not going to just “go away”. I’m not perfect and I know that but Pat and I are married now and having a child together! We are Happy! Get used to it!

Update-6/11/2013

So a lot has happened since I posted last.

I am feeling much better about myself, and have stopped having vivid nightmares so often. I am on an anti-depressant and a sleeping medication that has helped me a million times over.

On Jan 18th I got engaged to the man of my dreams. We went out to dinner and a movie and had drinks with friends and he proposed at the bar later that night. It was very romantic.

April 1st, Easter Sunday I took a pregnancy test and found out we are expecting. ( I was about 5/6 weeks along)

May 17th, Patrick and I got married in a small church wedding that included my mother and grandmother, my sister and her husband and her 4 kids. My oldest nephew Salem walked me down the isle. My father was unable to attend as he was sick that day. He as very depressed that he couldn’t make it. Patrick’s Father was his best man and his mother was there also.

I have been in the Hospital several times due to dehydration. This pregnancy has been very difficult for me. Morning sickness has been awful. I was put on several different anti-nausea medications and nothing seemed to work. When I talked to my doctor she said I was one of the worst cases she has had. I was put on methylprednisolone (steroid) to keep me from vomiting.  It has made a world of difference. I am now 15 weeks along and doing better. I still have days where I don’t eat much and I’m still loosing weight but my doctor doesn’t seem to be that concerned yet. She says I will gain it back. I am down from 237 to 207 last time I weighed myself in. (2 days ago) 

I started doing prenatal yoga during the day to keep my activity up. It really seems to help when I’m really down in the dumps or feeling really sore or tired. I have started to slightly feel baby move. Feels like little bubbles in my tummy. I like it. Makes me feel like I’m pregnant finally. Its starting to kick in that I really have a life growing inside me.  I can’t wait to find out what we are going to have.

 

Well more later.. I should start blogging more now that I have stuff to update about. (baby and being married)

 

Love

     Melissa

nightmares

So a lot has been going on lately. I have still been having nightmares about fires. Like the other night I dreamt that I was at my parents house my mother had been being abusive to me and so my sister and I tied her to my old bed in my room and then my father and I started packing stuff up and I could hear my sister saying how we could leave the bitch (my mother) tied to the bed and burn her for all the shit she put us through as kids. How she would melt and her flesh would burn so bad they would never find and identify her. We grabbed a bunch of boxes of stuff that was my fathers and left the house and packed it in my truck and drove away watching in the rear view mirror as the house was burning and my mother was screaming. When I woke up I could almost taste the smoke and burnt flesh smell in my mouth and nose. In my household as a child my father was the abusive one not my mother. My mother was the one that just sat back and didn’t really say much at all. That’s what I don’t understand about this type of dream. Why does my brain flip flop what really happened and turn it on the innocent?

Another dream about fires, I continue to have is me being tied up and doused with fuel and burned in my own bedroom while my boyfriend is carried off in a fight with some masked person. I really have no idea why I keep having these dreams.  They are so scary and make me confused when I wake up.

I have been also having dreams about my ex-boyfriend. I leave my home here in Storm Lake and go to where my ex lives and tell him if he professes his love for me I will leave my current boyfriend and move back to Bellevue and be with him and only him for the rest of my life. Most of the time in my dream he wants hardly anything to do with me and I keep fighting for him, but in all honesty I don’t want him back in real life. He was my first love but I have no urge to go back to him. I love my boyfriend now with all that I am and want to marry him and have his children in the future. We have been together for over 4 years now and I don’t want to be with anyone else. I see pictures of my ex with his new girlfriend and I’m so happy for him. Happy that he was able to move on after our breakup. It was really rough for a while even for me. We just weren’t in the right place at the right time in the right frame of mind to be together. …………

 

 

     To Be Continued…

Vibram FiveFingers : Women’s Running Shoes : Barefoot Athletic Toe Shoes

Vibram FiveFingers : Women’s Running Shoes : Barefoot Athletic Toe Shoes.

 

I totally am going to buy a pair of these when I get my taxes back. I have been looking at these for a long time now and they look Awesome!

Stupid Facebook Change Mandatory!!!

I don’t want to be reminded of past relationships (bad breakups) pictures that have long been buried or other negative things I may have put up on facebook or bad things people have put up about me. I’m more concerned about the here and now and how happy I am. I don’t need those things bringing up depression and drama again. This is the article posted by Yahoo! about 3 hours ago.. I’m not looking forward to deleting 6 years of things I don’t want people to read about me! … I may be deleting Facebook for good this time!

 

Facebook  is the virtual home to more than 800 million active users , so any change to how the network operates is a big deal. And nothing could be bigger for the social hotspot than completely revamping everyone’s front-facing profile page, and that is exactly what is happening today. Starting this morning, the new Timeline feature  — that up until now has been an optional switch — is now mandatory.

The Timeline differs from the default profile pages we know and love in several ways. Now, rather than showcasing only your most recent posts, your personal front page can be scrolled back months or years at a time. Most importantly, this change can offer visitors a glimpse at your entire social networking  past, all the way back to the day that you joined up. The revamp can be both a blessing and a curse for seasoned social networkers, as it can produce a bit of pleasant nostalgia, but also drag up some of your less proud public moments.

Left untouched, your Timeline may remind of you of breakups, job troubles, or even a few unfortunate party photos that you have long since buried. Depending on your settings, these black marks on your digital past could allow new followers — including friends or business associates — to see a side of you that was better kept tucked away.

Privacy  is already a hot topic for Facebook users and the network’s litany of sharing options  can be difficult to navigate, even for the most experienced users. The company isn’t oblivious to how the Timeline may drag up some unwanted past events, so a short buffer zone is in place to allow you to modify your online persona before making its new debut. You now have until Tuesday, January 31 to erase any past Facebook scars you’d prefer to hide.

The mandatory Timeline rollout will undoubtedly catch some by surprise , but you don’t have to fall victim to the ghosts of past updates. Take some time to review your social networking history  and don’t hesitate to prune anything that you wouldn’t want on the front page of a local newspaper, because as of right now, the clock is ticking. Or, of course, you could always jump ship to Google+ instead.

exciting news

Nothing really exciting ever happens in my life much anymore. But I do have a bit of exciting news. I got a job working for a contract company doing demos for SodaStream. They make a machine that makes your own soda. I will be working on Friday’s and Saturday’s in December, 5 hours a day. I have like 11 days working for December! Pretty excited.